Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Just so he knows

My dad was not a good dad. He never abused us mentally, physically or sexually....but he did emotionally. He never told us he loved us, he never hugged or kissed us and he never spent any time with us.
I never thought I'd have to talk about him to my kids because he died several years ago and my kids had never met him/heard about him/seen photos of him.
Tonight C. asked me about him. I started out being vague ("he died" "in his 50's" "heart attack" bla bla) and then he asked "was he a nice dad?"
I just froze. I didn't want to lie or give my father the gift of making him out to be a good person to the grandchild he chose to never meet. So I just answered, "no". This threw him for a loop. He asked, "what did he do mean to you?"
I had NO idea what to say, since he is too young to know or understand. But, I didn't think my father deserved a lie that he was a good person.
I simply said, "He didn't do anything mean to me. He never told me he loved me." His eyes got wide. I said, "You are very lucky that you have a dad that tells you that every day."
I think that is one reason I kiss him, hug him, snuggle him (against his will) and tell him I love him a million times a day. I cannot even imagine my children growing up NOT knowing that I, and their father, love them more than anything in this world.


  1. Your post made me cry and flood with emotions. I lost the man I called dad in 2009. I never heard those 3 special words from him. I definitely never felt loved by him. He was my step dad, knew me from 6 weeks old, and by the age of 4 was my only dad. All my life I just wanted that love, it's hard to not feel loved. I am thankful that my 3 children hear it everyday of their lives. They also hear it from husband, and I would not have it any other way.
    My oldest is 8 and I think deep down he is glad that cancer took him the summer of 2009. He was always yelling at him and never treated him like a child should be treated.

    Thank you for your post, a good cry is always welcome. ;)

  2. :)
    I had no idea my post would touch anyone like that. I am sorry you had the same "dad" as I did. Thank goodness you learned from him and your kids will never have to deal with what you have to deal with (I know for me it's an ongoing thing). I know it annoys my son when I do those things, but like you said, at least he hears it every day and one day (I hope, at least) he will NEVER have to question whether we ever loved him.

  3. C and M are lucky and very blessed to have a mom (and dad) like you (and Not Lazy). I am lucky and very blessed to have a friend like you.